When Pain is Not Processed


Imagine, a piece of fruit that’s been sitting in your fridge for weeks. The time has come and gone for you to throw it out, but it continues to sit on the shelf, slowly rotting. Even though the refrigerator slows down the decomposing process, it doesn’t stop it. The fruit continues to get blacker and slimier, ultimately affecting everything else sitting in there with it. This is exactly what happens when you’ve been holding onto pain that hasn’t been dealt with. It starts to overshadow everything about you; how you live your life, how you interact with people and how you react to situations. The pain even outshines your good qualities, no matter how hard you’re trying to operate in them.

You take things out on the wrong people

The stench of the rotting fruit and its horrible appearance is an exact replica of how your harbored pain has seeped out into your confidence, personality and even your health. I remember at one point in my life nobody wanted to interact with me. People were even hesitant to greet me walking down the street because of the look I had on my face that screamed STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM ME. There was pain inside of me that hadn’t been acknowledged or dealt with, so it started to manifest itself in other ways and affect the way I operated and interacted with people. Thank God that has all changed now as I get the opposite reactions from people – they see me and automatically smile! But it took work to get to this point; layers had to be uncovered and walls had to be torn down. I had to acknowledge certain things about myself and work on them. Why? Because I didn’t want to hurt people who actually cared about me. I didn’t want to ruin my chances at future friendships and relationships that would bless me. Even when you don’t mean to, you take things out on innocent people because you’re a mess on the inside and the pain has an unhealthy grip on you.

Your thoughts are clouded

Forgetfulness, grumpiness and frustration are often present when it comes to your communication and getting things done. The tasks are possible to do, but for some reason you have a hard time getting your point across and being productive with whatever needs to be done. This is a major sign of unprocessed pain. It’s difficult for you to even hold basic conversations with people. People have told me that I struggle with making eye contact when speaking with them. That’s something I am working on and pressing through because I am a work in progress.

You can’t express yourself properly

Your old incidents and memories are so tangled up in your present emotions, that you don’t even know where to begin just to state a simple sentence! Your mind is constantly going and you easily get confused when you have to present information or talk with someone about something sensitive, so you avoid confrontation at all costs because “it won’t come out the way I want it to”. This used to be a major struggle for me, especially since a lot of what I do involves presenting information and stating a case for decisions I make. Very frustrating, especially when you have a lot of unprocessed information swarming on the inside. Your confidence is basically non-existent to the point where you hate the way you talk and your voice sounds.

Put the pen to the paper!

The awesome thing about writing is, it’s just you and a blank space. There’s no judgement, criticism or questions about what you’re writing, making it a powerful way to release AND process pain. It’s your voice, uninterrupted – and rightfully so! You may have tried to verbalize your pain to others, only to be shut down, judged and misunderstood. You may feel hopeless because it seems like no one wants to hear what you’re saying – especially if they’re the person that caused the pain to begin with. Putting the pen to the paper eliminates all of that and gives you a stage to tell your story – your version you’re your experience. It doesn’t matter how graphic it is or how senseless it may sound. Writing lets you say the unsayable.


Someone out there needs to hear your story; what you’ve been through and how you got out. Even if you haven’t gotten out yet, the fact that you’re able to write and talk about speaks volumes of inspiration. I’m sure you don’t want to continue letting the stench of that rotting fruit drive people and opportunities away. Let’s connect and see where you can go with your story.